December 2002 Archives

I'd like to quote the great Gandy Ardoren here:

"Even the ones you think you can like or respect, you can't. Just get to know them better. To deal with people is to lie and lie and lie and lie and misrepresent the truth and compromise oneself and then lie again. There are those moments, after laboring for great lengths of time, when poignancy or connectedness or a moment of truth occurs. Don't get caught up in those moments, because in the very next moment it will all be ruined in falseness. "

Everyday I wonder what the good goddamn is going on here. But then I remember I've already answered that question. Still, it's incredible.

I'm up here, one hundred million miles above everyone else, but you stupid motherfuckers actually control parts of my life! How is this possible? Sometimes I feel like going insane, sometimes I feel like peeling the skin off of all your faces or just blowing your empty fucking skulls off, but then I look at you and just laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Amen.

And away we go.

today i was not stunned or shocked.

today i was given information i already knew from the persistent nausea.

today i cried.

today i was angry.

today i was scared.

today i was in pain.

but today i won.

today i was a man.

today i made myself proud.

today i can start to live again,

because today i felt again.

It's been a steady diet of Vick's Cough, Zithromax, and pain killers for several days now, and finally (FINALLY!) my body is responding. The eyes are still watering now and then, I still have the spastic coughing fit from time to time, and of course I'm still visiting the bathroom a little too often, but I'm over the proverbial hump I do believe. All the symptoms are much milder now and unlike three days ago, I don't think this sickness is going to kill me. Whew! Now I can get back to bloggin' a little more often! Aren't ya happy for me?

Good news on the music front: Thorogood has signed with a new label and will be releasing Ride Till I Die March 25. Rock on. This means I'll have to be ramping up my efforts on egocentricity's sister site BadTown. Somebody better remind me to get my ass in gear.

And sitting here at home - alone, quiet, calm - I can't help but reflect on how wonderful this is. I'm so glad that I've freed myself from all the bullshit this day brings to most people. Most people put up with the bullshit because they at least enjoy some aspect of getting together with people, or decorating, or giving, or receiving, or being religious. Since I don't enjoy any of those things, most of all getting together with people, I've had the most perfect xmas ever.

Thank you, self, for being the most perfect son of a bitch walking the planet today. Amen.

Unfortunately, I didn't inherit my dad's strong genes. What I received are my mom's flimsy, weak genes. This means that I get sick quite often, and as I've mentioned here before, suffer from extreme migraine headaches.
Last weekend at the concert I started to get sick. By Monday, I woke up without a voice. Tuesday and Wednesday I got progressively worse. Wednesday night I had a 101 degree fever, sore throat, cough, sneeze, body aches, chills, etc. etc. Tonight I feel slightly human again. Still a bit feverish and I'm coughing every few seconds, but I can sit up and hold conversations.
I hate the fact that my constitution is so weak. It doesn't fit me. And it gets me in trouble sometimes. But I did lose five pounds, so it wasn't a complete loss. Hi Ho.

Kris, her brother Travis, and I headed out to Perrysburg, Ohio at noon on Saturday. It took almost five hours, which was about how long we'd planned for. With a quick stop at a BP station to clarify directions to the venue, The Mission, we pulled into the parking lot at around 5:15. Excitement quickly turned to disappointment, though, as we learned the venue had not passed inspection and had been "condemned." As the news began to sink in, we began to freak out. Ticketmaster had confirmed the show, the place, and the time only the day before. All the websites still showed this as the place.

In a moment of desperation we booked it over to the local CD Warehouse, grabbed on edition of the local music paper and discovered that the show had been moved to a nearby town, Bowling Green, in a place called Howard's Club H. Off we went!

Got to Howard's at a quarter to six, made friends with the bartender girl who set us up with free cokes! This was a good thing because now all we could do was wait. At 8:00 the venue made everyone leave the bar to go outside and wait in line. (???). So we did. Once back inside, we waited another hour for the doors to the stage area to open. When those doors opened we took our place directly in front of the stage.

Now a moment to describe the stage. This is important. The stage was very small and only about 18 inches higher than the rest of the floor. There was a bannister on the left and the right sides of the stage separating it from the crowd area. In the center of the stage (where we were) there were three steps up to the stage, with no barrier at a all.

Band number one came on a 9:45. Gil Mantera's Party Dream. Their set was outrageous and hilarious. Some people in the crowd didn't get them, and I'm sure that happens at all their shows, but I loved it. What they do takes balls galore and I give them all kinds of respect.

Band number two was Shai Hulud, same band that opened in Louisville when we saw awk there. The musicianship is terrific, but I just don't care for bands that do nothing but that hardcore screaming. If you'd calm that voice down just a bit I may be able to understand what you're trying to say. That's just me. Everyone else seemed to love them. In fact, the crowd was intense. Way intense. The venue posted security guys directly in front of us to create a barrier from gaining access to the stage. We ended up being sardines. Security was pushing us back and the rest of the crowd was pushing us forward. At this point I started getting a little ill. My head began to pound, but I was determined to carry on as long as I could.

By the time Andrew finally came on stage, even more security had been placed in this "step area" where we were. Now there were five or six guys whose job was to push, push, push on us. When the music started, the crowd went freakin' bananas. And I do mean bananas. Kris took an elbow to the teeth and fell down on one of the steps. I spent all my time fighting to stay vertical. And through all this, we couldn't even see the show b/c of the all the security placed directly in front of us. After three songs, I backed out and went to sit down at the back of the venue to ease my aching head. Kris and Travis went to the back of the crowd and rocked from there.

I wish people could rock out without being stupid. Why get so crazy that you can't even enjoy the show? There's no way anyone there at the front could even have heard the music for all the fighting to stay alive that they were doing. Oh well.

After the show, disappointed as I was, I went out to our car, took some ibuprofin and took to feeling better. However, Kris was determined not to make the trip a comlete bummer. She hung out after the show and got to talk to Andrew in person and got a picture and some other stuff signed.

Although this one didn't turn out as planned, what does? AWK is such a terrific, genuine person, and his music is so powerful...I will continue to go to as many shows as I can, wherever they are. Some will be like this one, some will be great fun, but no matter which kind they are I will continue to get wet finding out.

Andrew, the Lincoln's love you.

Happy-go-lucky? Happy go fuck yourself.

Is there any happiness like the happiness derived from fucking with somebody? Not kindergarten stuff, I mean grad school stuff. Over the top. And they never know. They go away from the experience believing you. You get that sick adrenaline push that makes you wanna, well, do it again. And I will. Again and again and again and again and again.

It looks like we're off to Ohio on Saturday for round two of the awkathon. Promises to be a long, long, beautiful day. Glad we'll have Sunday to sleep it off.

Also looking forward to posting here some new words for et cetera by Friday. Have a little re-dedication celebration. Stay tuned.

Have I mentioned I'm kinda into music? I'm one of those walking encyclopedia guys, like Jack Black in High Fidelity. I've been to about three and a half gazillion concerts, but tonight I experienced something so amazing that it tops every other thing I've ever seen or heard.

It was as if every possible thing aligned to make the night turn out badly. The temperature was in the low 30s (that's freezing, ya know!), and the doors opened forty-five mintutes late. Standing in line was an endurance test...I felt like Admiral Peary. We make it inside and my wife decides to get wasted and quickly succeeds. Since I don't drink, this is obviously pure joy. Finally the concert starts...75 minutes late and with three (3) opening bands. They were three of the worst bands I've ever heard. It was painful and it lasted for far too long. By the time it was all over I was in a piss poor mood. I really wanted to pound in the face of the lead singer of the last band.

But then, just as the sun comes out after a storm to clear away all the clouds, awk took to the stage. I can't very well explain what was unleashed on us, but whatever it was I want it unleashed on me everyday. Intense. Brutal. Uplifting. Life-affirming. Cathartic. Pure power. Raw. Unbelievable. When the smoke cleared, my wife had been picked up and spun around in mid-air by the man, a guy out of the crowd got to play piano, after awk dove into the crowd (on top of me...) I got to pass him over to the next guy, and myself and about fifty other people rocked ONSTAGE with the band, all of us singing "Party Hard." Wow. People were welcomed onstage during the entire show, awk would hand them the mike and let them sing, pick them up and carry them on his shoulders, hug them. It was un-fucking believable. Am I repeating myself? I can't help it. It was the by far the best concert I've ever been witness to, and I've been witness to a lot of them. Those of you who know me know what it is for me to say this one was the best. And it was the best.

It was the first time for us, but it will not be the last. Rock the fuck on.

I'm celebrating One Full Month online! Hooray! Total hit count for the month was 8155. That's pretty amazing to me. I don't know how people are stumbing onto this site, but they certainly are stumbling onto this site. I wouldn't have though that "egocentricity" was a big search term on Google.

Well, here's something that I'll bet no one has ever thought of: the importance of having something to look forward to. This has been a bit of a problem for me lately, or rather, the lack of has been a bit of a problem. I found that even if you make things up to look forward to, it helps (at least up until the time that the fake event is supposed to occur, at which point expect a bummer). Another trick is to pick tiny, everyday things, such as dinner, or a shower, or bedtime. This one, I've found, only really helps when you're close to the edge and feel as though you're going to lose your mind at any moment. If you do it any other time it just makes things worse. What am I looking forward to tonight? I'm pretending I don't have to go to work tomorrow.