March 2003 Archives

People really get worked up about music in very stupid ways. Fans of one kind of music never fail to deride fans of other kinds of music. If you're not into what I'm into, then you're not cool, you're not "in the know."

People who like Indie music always think their music means more than mainstream music because it's not about the money.
Jazz fans think anything but jazz isn't sophisticated enough.
Roots and blues people think rock people don't get it because after all, where do think rock came from?
Rap fans rarely get into anything but rap, just like the metal folks...all their friends like this music and they'd lose credibility by liking something different.

Music is just music. There is no good and bad. Only "I like it" or "I don't like it". How can you review an album? What can you possibly say anything other than that? Maybe that it sounds like something else you might have heard. But that's it. I like it. I don't like it. What is that supposed to mean to me?

I propose an end to racism, sexism, and all the other -isms out there that cause people to judge other people by a demographic group to which they belong.

I propose we replace those -isms with a whole new set of -isms that actually make sense, because I certainly am not against discrimination. I just say, please discrimate in a logical manner.

Judge everyone you meet. Judge, judge, judge. But judge each person one by one. On their individual characteristics. Judge them by their brain.

Soon we'll be well on our way to idiotism, dickheadism, and bitchism. Much more useful and morally sound to boot. But I can hear it now. "Judge, I am suing X corporation because they fired me for no other reason than I refuse to do my job, cannot get along with my co-workers, and take six breaks a day. It's a blatant case of Assholism."

i dreamed of a life and i made it real.

isolation not insulation.

the power of one.

roark, i'm still trying. the fountainhead is not arbitrary, it's not just a name.

What are the odds that I'm completely full of shit?

I realize now that I use this site for therapy. I guess all diaries are therapeutic in their own way. And really, don't people that keep journals and diaries secretly want everyone to read them? They guard them with their lives, but really they want to give them to someone and say "Please, read my thoughts, take the time to get to know me, understand me, won't someone please care enough about me that they WANT to read my thoughts?" And this site is about as public as it gets. Here I am writing a journal entry every few days that anyone in the entire world can read at any time, and no one does. I really could post the most absurd or obscene or grotesque stuff here, controversy-causing stuff, and it would go completely unnoticed. Writing here is like pissing in the wind. I ask myself why I do it. The answer is: just in case. The answer is also: I really am the only one that matters.

I didn't expect this to become what it has become. I hoped to use this as a forum to discuss things that matter to me so much that they are me. Things like non-contradiction and logic and capitalism and atheism and and and passion and intensity and discipline and being guilt-free and egocentrism and how everything ties in together and how once you have the basics down you can figure anything out. Why haven't I written about those things? I don't honestly know. I know in some ways I have been very sad, but that's not an excuse. Perhaps I should just try harder.

Maybe one reason I don't is because I know no one sees this. Why go to the trouble, what's the point? But then, I've answered that already, haven't I? I do know that sometimes I've found it difficult to be completely honest here because I know people can read it, even if they aren't.

But anyway.

Did you know that I only have one major goal in my life, one dream? My dream is this: to be able to one day own a house with a large basement. And in that basement to place a drum kit and a stereo system. My dream is to be able to sit at a drum set in my basement, put AC/DC's Highway To Hell CD on, crank "Walk All Over You" and wail away on the drums. More than anything else, music.

Saturday morning - I've not ever posted on a Saturday morning before. I'm usually still sleeping. Wish I was today.

Let's run down what little there is going on in my life, shall we?

- Success all around in the NCAA's. Louisville, Kentucky, Indiana, and Butler all made it into the second round of the tourney. Too bad for IUPUI. And for a bonus Texas Tech has won their first two games in the NIT.

- I find myself in the not-so-unusual position of disapproval of both the war people and anti-war people. Still, on a very base, hormonal, male level I find myself loving the video of Baghdad burning.

- My youngest cat-child will lose his nuts this week. And as if on cue he jumps in my lap and meows "No dad!"

- I will once again be making a heartbreaking trip to the House of Shameful Commerce today.

- Kris is on break from school for the next week. Not long enough.

- GT's CD finally sees the light on Tuesday. BadTown is having its greatest month ever thanks to the new higher placement in Google.

- Just as finding a primary job was difficult, so is finding a second job. But, of course, I'm still looking.

- Passed some blond chick in a white Honda Accord on Thursday. I'm pretty sure I knew who she was, but she certainly didn't acknowledge me as I waved!

OK. That's enought for now.

I spent the evening flipping back and forth between the major news networks, probably just like you did. I find this kind of thing interesting, and it promises to only be more interesting as time goes by.

Back in 1991, Allan Broughton and I were sitting in a movie theater in Corydon waiting for "Dances With Wolves" to come on when the radio station playing as background noise broke in with the news that the Gulf War had begun. I wonder if twelve years from now I'll remember watching the news coverage of this war as it began. I wonder if I'll even be alive then.

i've spent a lot of time on delawaredestroyers.com lately, trying to make it just slightly less gay. i have to say, it is less gay now than it was before, but parts of it are still pretty whack. but all the work is paying off...the site is ranked #6 on google now for "george thorogood" searches and the hits, really, are coming in hard and fast compared to what was happening. i have to say, this google thing is the high-water mark for me as a designer and overall "web guy." it ain't much, i guess, but it does feel nice to be rewarded for the work.

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money trumps everything else. no matter what is good in your life or how happy you might be otherwise, if the money isn't there then things aren't going to right. and i am so tired of things not being right. as impossible as it seems to me, things have gotten worse for us lately. and i am really scared about where things are going. i've always had to juggle the budget to make things work, but soon there will be no juggling to be done.
here's where we are. right this instant, things are tight, tight, tight. but soon we both will need some new clothes. my feet are always sore from the callouses that have built up on my feet from the crappy-ass shoes i wear everyday, and the pants i've worn for a year now are getting threadbare. i have a sick cat, and none of my cats have had their shots this year. kris has a trip to chicago for school in may that lasts five days, so that is five days she won't be working. in the fall she has to quit her job so she can intern (mandatory) for school. if we can barely make it with her working, what the fuck are we going to do if she doesn't work?
i can't seem to find a solution. all this stuff has caused my brain to lock up. i can't quit thinking about the money stuff, but it never gets farther than "what are we gonna do? crap! i mean, what are we gonna do!?!"

I think I must have some kind of brain tumor or something. This last couple of months have been crazy. They've been occurring only on the weekends, but this one decided to come during the week so I had to miss a day of work. Wonderful. I wish my head would go on and expode in a violent and bloody fury like it feels like it's trying to do so the pain would stop.

I realize I sound like a baby when I talk about these headaches, but you have no idea. No idea at all.

I ate yesterday. I was really hungry. Really hungry. Very hungry.

But I promise I won't today. Or tomorrow. We'll see about Tuesday, I may have to ingest.

Another headache this weekend, but less intense and it went away after 1:00 pm yesterday. Progress! However, Kris came home sick a little early from work today with what? A headache.

Spent yesterday evening with Jason. Then he left, I bought some drinks and some bread, peanut butter, and some jelly. Not for me. For her. Okay, so the drinks were for me. But they were Diet Rite, so cut me some slack.

Up all night working on the news page of BadTown. Mucho terrific, if not somewhat derivative of what I've done here. I just wanted to get things working, I'll tweak it later.

Re-alphabetized my CD's today.

Heading to mes parents in a few hours. Must...be...strong....NO LASAGNA!!

Next projects:
1. Categorize this site
2. Work on the band page for BadTown
3. Give in to necessity and look for a part-time job
4. This week: two more pounds

Total pounds lost so far: 13

not nearly as enjoyable as that other -bating word we all know and love. not nearly!

it's been hell week so far at work. i've been thrown into a new job head first. don't get me wrong, i enjoy a challenge - but i don't enjoy being held accountable for things i was never shown, business rules i didn't know existed. no biggie. i would still choose this over BLAH any day.

monday I lost my wedding band. deep in thought, interpreting non-interpretable contract language, i started to engage in a nervous habit i have, which is turning my wedding band around and around on my finger with the thumb on the same hand. only, it wasn't there! alas, having retraced every step and turned my apartment upside-down, it is nowhere to be found. this on top of my other big jewelry-ish loss last week - my watch. i set it one of two places when i get home from work each day, but last week i went to get it from those places and it had disappeared as well. my left arm feels higly off-kilter. no ring, no watch. crap!

so what have we here? missing watch, missing ring, wrecked truck that will never be fixed, four years until i'll be out of debt, barely enough extra cash each week to get by, and about six months til kris has to quit her job in order to take an internship.

oh yeah! what else do we have? all the time in the world to myself, tobacco on demand, two awesome websites, shelves and shelves of books and CD's, a pretty nice comp, a pretty nice guitar, a great relationship, just enough cash each week to get by, four terrific meows, ephedra galore, and another two pounds off of my slightly less hefty frame.

all in all, i'd say everything is a little better than ok. just a bit frusterbating sometimes.

Been on quite a roll. Not only did I enhance ego's sister site with streaming audio over the weekend, now I've added two new sections here. Kudos to me!

And the downstairs is clean, the laundry and the dishes done.

Tomorrow the first of two new GT albums this month is released.

Now it's time to play!

Interested in the best music ever created? Head over here for my new streaming audio at BadTown! I'm quite proud of myself!

I'm finally discovering the world of streaming media!

So I may continue to be preoccupied with this project for a little while longer. Don't worry, I'll share when it's ready!