Don't you hate it when you wake up feeling like shit due to lack of sleep? You know right then you're going to feel like shit all day long, nothing you can do. You can't just call the day off and go back to bed.
Obviously my sleepy brain is lacking creativity this morning.
Ten minutes until I have to jump in the shower. Sitting here next to the window in the morning is nice, with the morning sun shining right down on me and the morning birds in the tree outside the window just chirping like crazy. I like it.
Still working ten hour days. It's surprisingly easy, yet not so surprisingly it's also less fun than say, having your face ripped off by a mountain lion.
Fourteen days until Kris leaves for Chicago. I think we may even have some money for her to take with her so that she can eat while she's there. Bonus.
Made a list last night of things we need. I broke it down into two parts: The "Absolutely Must Have" list of three items (total: $375) and the "Would Really Be Nice" list of nine items (total: $1070). Initially, this makes me feel anything but positive, but I'm going for the long-term here. You see, this way I can mark off the items on the list one by one as they are taken care of, which will make me feel good (I hope).
So, my alarm is going off now, and I think I'll get up and get in the shower now. Have a good day.
Question of the day: Which is more overrated - sex or love?
Answer: What's love?
I like to play dumb sometimes just to see what it's like for you all the time.
I went the entire day without speaking to a single person face-to-face. Perhaps tomorrow will go as well. Maybe it will be better - maybe I can avoid communication altogether.
It's all by design, to keep me from losing my mind...
found a few things to occupy my time, the biggest of which is plus hours at work. i got the go ahead to work OT until i run out of work, which will be the year 2010. i tap bankruptcy on its chest with one finger and say "bring it on, you bitch!" it doesn't have me yet...
it's only 9:30, but it's about nighty-night time for me. i've got the yawns somethin' fierce. not much of an update, but it's something.
hey pretty lady what's the matter with you? it ain't as if night is falling any time soon and the drinks are stocked up nice. pour yourself, pour me another and let's sit down here in the yard and talk about it. you know we always did connect we fit together so well so pour me, pour yourself out to me and let me feel it like you feel it if you feel anything at all. if you do you're better off than i, or maybe worse but shit this feeling stuff is for the kitty kats of the world not the owls. it's what you're thinking if you're thinking what i'm thinking that's got me all riled up if this is riled cause all i'm doing is sitting here in the grass with a pretty little girl and ants on my toes and i sure ain't sayin' much but i like to listen to your words even if they ain't complicated they sure sound nice. but maybe it's not the words or even the voice but that face that face and that belly of yours and those wisps of hair hangin' down blowin' in the breeze they won't stay behind your ear and i like that a lot keep tryin'. you know i won't that's not my way but i'll listen i'll watch your lips as you speak and i'll watch you and wish and i can smell you but i won't let you know it. maybe you're fine maybe it's me that's all wrong but aren't you here aren't you there right there with me i can't be all wrong. maybe if i keep myself silent and don't say a word like i've been doing i'll seem interesting to you in a minute and a half i'll just go and ruin everything if i talk i always find the right way to mess things up but you can't mess things up that weren't ever there to begin with what the fuck am i thinking. just forget it and look up at her look at her how can this moment be possible? how can she do this to me does she even know how can she not she loves it and wants me to say it but i won't i never will because she wants it from me like she wanted it from all the others it's all fun and power games for her she wants a big know-nothing vacuum-head to give it to her because that's what's safe i mean if we ever she'd know she'd met her match and she couldn't help but to strike me and feel that flame burn her up inside.
my insides are really messed up. my brain, i mean. my thoughts. my emotions. i can't seem to get a grip.
i don't know whether to stop writing here for awhile, since all i'm gonna talk about is how i'm really going crazy, or to keep on writing here 'cause all i'm gonna talk about is how i'm really going crazy. i'll probably keep writing, but maybe it'll be more hit and miss than it has been. ya know, 'cause it really doesn't matter, does it?
Posting for the sake of posting. I'm kind of deep in thought lately, trying to figure some things out. I'll be back soon.
in quiet moments of solitude do you ever freak yourself out? do you let your mind roam free into the shadows of its own existence, wander around inside of itself, let it see what hides in its dark corners and allyways?
when you think about your tomorrows and tomorrows, do you like you what you see or do you wish those tomorrows would never come?
i often wonder what is wrong with me.
i have a good life. but i want so much i cannot have and it eats me alive.
sometimes i know a change needs to be made, but because i don't think it should have to be made i refuse to do it and then cry when things don't get better. every day of my life i slip into fantasy just to get by. i'm a genius and a retard at the same time. i get uglier with each passing moment. i let myself down everyday, but i surprise myself by how much shit i can endure. i throw up too often. i get scared, really scared.
What are doing? Get off of me!
i'm cheap, but good.
any takers?
how about you?
you know you cannot resist me...
touch me. give in to your desires.
touch me.
- Mine's on the '45 -
got the sticks and the pad out tonight and played for awhile, a good long while. god i come alive my heart beats fast and i can feel the blood pumping and i smile i can't help it i smile and smile. i'm sandy nelson, i'm jeff simon, i'm frank beard, i'm john bonham, i'm kenny aronoff, i'm phil rudd. it's rhythm. it's the rhythm of life. one day, one day.
clear. i'm in the clear. i have sequestered the power, i've wadded it into a great big ball and swallowed it whole. i came, i saw, i kicked your ass and you didn't even know it. you were defeated before you even met me. you never had a chance. i play these games as if i invented them. i make the rules, i change the rules at my discretion. i switch up my style to make you feel what i want you to feel. i don't think of you, but i'm forced to deal with you so it will be on my terms. a giant cannot be contained.
son of a bitch!
last weekend i was pain free, first time in many weeks. my brain was just gathering strength for a double-strong onslaught this weekend. and of course, it came on my birthday.
i'll spare you the gory details, but believe me when i say it wasn't pretty.
i hadn't eaten Saturday, so the trigger wasn't some food reaction. i wasn't stressed over my birthday (really!) so stress wasn't the trigger. i had actually gotten up at nine Saturday morning, so i wasn't off of my sleep schedule by much. ah, who knows. i'll post again tonight and talk about something else, anything else.
not sure what got into me there with the sexually oriented posts. it's in me, and sometimes it's just got to come out. even the big bad man noticed that it was getting hot in herre. i bet you anything i'll be back to my good ole boring monotony sometime real soon!
sometimes, all you have to do is ask.
you might be surprised how open people are to doing things you wouldn't imagine.
good things. bad things.
my hotmail account has been overrun by all things porn. not sure how these places get my email, but they surely want to increase my size (ha!) or make me last longer (double ha!) or get me a blowjob (finally, something i could use!).
it's almost the weekend already again. yeeeehaaaaaawwwwww! we all know what sunday is, right? that's right, people, it's my birthday. and no, i'm not excited about it. can i say i'm still in my mid-twenties? why not! and i guess it's okay, since i'm only getting better with age. and better-looking, too, i might add.
You see, this is what I'm talking about. Some people just scream "sex". Like the lovely Taryn Manning of Boomkat, above.
And the unbelievable chicky below...
Hot and fresh out the kitchen...
Let me give you a breakdown of my day:
12:00 - around 2:00 - internet
2:00 - 5:30 - slept in bed
5:30 - went to couch
6:30 - awakened and told to go bed
8:00 - got up, checked email, showered, etc.
8:35 - left for work
8:50 - turned on the comp at work and went to get a Diet Coke
9:00 - sat down, drifted off
12:45 - two cigarettes
1:00 - sat down, drifted off
3:00 - two cigarettes
3:15 - sat down, drifted off
5:00 - left work
5:12 - walked in front door, called Kris
5:30 - sat down, drifted off in front of the comp
6:00 - tried to take a nap, unsuccessful
6:30 - ate two tuna fish sandwiches
7:00 to 8:00 - switched back and forth between Fox News and "Law and Order"
8:05 - started a load of dishes, folded clothes, started a load of laundry, vacuumed, cleaned the downstairs bathroom
9:00 - shower
9:30 - played with cats
10:00 - back at comp, searching for Thorogood reviews, found none, bloghopped for awhile, called the bank and checked off transactions
10:40 - worked Billboard's online crossword puzzle, 100% correct!
11:00 - here I am
You know what's really sad? Every day is the fucking same.
This may only be for people who are tuned into this sort of thing. In my dealings with people, I always judge whether or not they make me think of sex. It doesn't have anything to do with whether they are male or female, good-looking or ugly, it doesn't even matter if you are attracted to them or not. It's something inside a person. Some people scream sex, some people whisper sex, and most people, well, they just don't have it at all. You'd be surprised by how many really good-looking people don't have it. Of course, most really ugly people don't either. And no, I'm sorry, you can't judge yourself. You can't think to yourself, "Man, I am sex personified." If you think that, you don't have it.
