August 2003 Archives

ask your girlfriends and see if they know
that my strength is ten fold, woman...
and I'll let you see if you want to before you go...

no, not alone. that was just silly. it just sometimes feels like it.

that whole post was a mood, i think.
but i did have a valid point.

no one goes around looking for those magical relationships in life, they just happpen. you're always surprised when they do. but aren't they amazing! that feeling of being completely at ease with someone, trusting, being able to let your guard down, being able to be yourself and not worry. i value those relationships so much! they give me strength and comfort from the world. how can anyone just piss that away? or maybe i misjudge people. maybe the connection is really just one-sided, all in my head, not real.

it's not that I need those relationships. i obviously don't. but they sure are nice. i mean, they sure are nice before they go down the shitter, at which point you wish they never happened.

geez, i'm just blathering on. sorry folks. i'll give it a rest.

Nevamind!

Yeah, so I just spent about three hours fixing a very small problem at my GT site. You see, in the pictures section, when you clicked a thumbnail the actual pic would pop up in a new window. The problem was that when the real pic popped up, the window it was in was bigger than the pic by *a smidgeon*, so it ended up looking a bit like a border on two sides. I hated that. Hated it, hated it, hated it! I wanted the window to be the !!exact!! size of the pic, no gaps or borders.

Tonight I realized where my goof was, and I had to fix it. Now. Tonight. Fucking javascript. How freakin' tedious and boring was that. But by golly, it's perfect. I mean PERFECT!!

As I type this, the group of hens around me yap on and on and on and on. This happens five or six times a day, everyday, for at least half an hour at a time. Nobody seems to give a shit. I'm going out of my mind. If these fat, lazy, disgusting low-lifes don't shut up I'm seriously going to blow my fucking top.

Ahhhh, ferk!

No, silly blog reader! I am only trying to remind you to widen your sexual horizons! There is more to the fun stuff than the big pay-off - -

How's about cookin' something up with me?

Quiet again here, less scared, more angry.

Got home from work about a quarter after eight. Kris and Whitney were watching "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." Odd. That's my movie. Had to turn back around and head back out again, to Bardstown Road to give Pamela her purse. Whitney gave me her phone in case I couldn't find Jason's apartment. Followed the directions. No apartment. Called Pam. She says I should've taken a right, not a left as the directions prescribed. Hang up, go out and take a right. All the way down the road, just houses, no apartments. Park. Jason calls. No, I should've taken a left after all. Go back to where I was. Ah! There they are. Return the needed item, stop for $3 in gas, a Pepsi, and some Stackers. Go home. The other Jason stops by. Watches the movie for awhile and leaves. Finish the movie. Whitney goes home. I have three small slices of pizza. Go to bed. Wake up, pour myself an ice cold caffiene free diet Sam's Cola and begin writing this.

Geez.
This sucks.

Now I'm paranoid. Every little noise I hear I wonder if it's somebody trying to get in.

I'm carrying a ballbat and a knife with me all the time.

Tonight I duct-taped the screen door shut, covered the sliding glass doors with cardboard and duct tape, then staple-gunned a cover over the whole thing, and of course then there are the blinds. Nobody is gonna be looking in that window.

Patrolled around the apartment complex a couple of times with my bat and knife. Maybe the guy saw me. Maybe not.

Really - I want him to come back, I want to catch him. I will not hesitate to fucking kill him.

2:00 am. Kris is downstairs doing homework, the TV is on.
I was sitting up here at my desk, fixing Kris' mom's computer which had been infected with the msblast worm. I was focused on what I was doing, working away...

out of the silence the loudest, most intense, horrifying, terrifying, blood-curdling scream came from downstairs...it didn't stop...it got louder and louder...I don't know how many seconds passed before I was even able to move...I literally was scared stiff...every hair on my body was standing up...I felt like my heart was going to explode. When I could finally get up I ran to the top of the stairs and Kris was running up the stairs still screaming!!! The look on her face and the sounds of those screams will haunt me til the day I die. Pure Terror. About three quarters of the way up the stairs she screams at me "There's a man outside!! There's a man outside the window!!!!!!!!!!" Immediately I run downstairs and get my baseball bat and we go to the window...nobody there, BUT the screendoor is open halfway!!

We go back upstairs and call 911. She's able to tell me then that she had been working and noticed a shadow go by the window. This isn't any big deal - our neighbors are always walking by at all hours. She didn't pay any attention to it. A few minutes later she heard somone say something to her, like the person was trying to get her attention...instinctively she looks up and that's when she saw a man bent over looking at her through our vertical blinds, and he had his hands on the door!! That's when all hell broke loose. She said that when she started screaming bloody murder, he stood up and just walked slowly away.

Holy Motherfucking Shit!

With droopy lids, big black circles under the eyes, a fever blister, and a bit of a breakout happening, I certainly have looked better! But other than the sleepiness I feel fine. Really. A-one. My state of mind is straight and clicked on.

Back with a master plan, although I'm sure it won't last long. But the good thing about everything being blown to hell in a handbasket is this: you no longer have to worry about when things are gonna get blown to hell in a handbasket. Or a tupperware bowl, for that matter.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot to tell you...I've officially lost 20 pounds now. I've been working on this weight loss thing for several months, and it is slooooowwwww going, but progress is being made. I'll tell ya one thing - I don't eat a goddamned thing. I should weigh around 90 pounds by now. Give it time and maybe I will! Here's something funny about realizing you're a fat ass - when you can lose 20 pounds and STILL be a fat ass, you were really, really a fat ass!

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization." -- George Carlin --

Finally made it to my favorite place. Ah, it's good to be back.

If I ever have to get rid of this chair, I'll probably stop using computers. I can't imagine a chair more suited to me.

Anyway. I read something frightening yesterday. How many more examples do you need before you wise up?

Life goes on. Might as well smile when you can. And never stop plotting and scheming to fuck up everything and everyone that stands in your way.

Another super-huge talent died today. At some point soon the world will be completely devoid of super-huge talents. Hooray for mediocrity!

Saturday night was a bust, bust, bust.
Got to the show a little early, wish we hadn't. Had to mill around a crowd that was NOT my kinda people, not that I have a kind of people. Anyway, it was all ages, not 21 and up. 5000 fucked up kids trying so hard to be different in exactly the same way.
So Hatebreed finally took to the stage, we were about three rows from the front. On the first guitar chord, the crowd surged forward (en route to a total and full on mosh, but I digress...). The kids behind us fell, and one of their heads nailed Kris on the spine. She looked up at me and said "Get me out of here now!!!!!" So we got out of there then!!! Once outside of the melee, I saw she was crying something intense and shaking...I got a little scared. She was really hurt.
As it turns out, she could barely walk and couldn't bend at all. She's been drugged up on Doan's Pills ever since.
So here's the thing. She had to work the next day. But she couldn't, you see. So she called and told them what was up. She was told it was her decision to go to the concert and that if she didn't find someone to work for her, she no longer had a job. So we get ready and go down there, me serving as a cane. She asks everyone already working if they could work that night for her. No. She gathers the phone numbers of everyone not working at that moment and we go home. She calls them all. None of them will. She no longer has a job.

So, if we weren't going to go bankrupt anyway from the entire movie theater fuckfest of last month, now this. I'm working eleven hour days, all I can. I still don't think we're going to make it. She's not having luck finding a job. I'm so sleepy I could pass out at any moment. Need...orgasm...now. Or maybe later. Later when I wake up.

a.) working

b.) playing with myself

c.) not updating the site

d.) not having a good time

or

e.) crunching the numbers

think hard...answers will come soon...

spank your fanny! it's habit-forming and *bless you*

wakin' up early for to go to the job. getting the hairs cut. sleeping. heading out to krazy fest in the late evening.

krazy fest!

don't get me wrong, i ain't punk. but i'm hardcore to the motherfuckin' end.

gonna get my mosh on, get it on hard. i'm gonna get wet!

just fyi, or rather, i suppose, fmi, just getting the faintest inkling of a spruce up to the site. maybe a redesign on the horizon. perhaps you'll wake up and rush to the net only to find your favorite site looks a wee bit differs.