September 2003 Archives

as if you could read my mind

you should be able to by now, ya know?

sure, it's all in code...but you've got the key. i gave it to you! did you lose it?
or did you throw it away?

it's a classic case - nearly textbook. these things have happened before. how did they end? energy never disappears, right? it just transforms, right? well, what of this energy, this force? as it flows from me where does it go? does it hit its target?

and if it hits its target, what then?

as if i could read your mind.

how could i?

you never let me in there.

one true thing: in my life i am not awarded reciprocity in any way. but i always keep asking for it, long after the far too obvious conclusion. i must be told to stop or i never, never, never ever will.

and maybe not even then

good morning, world!

five minutes til i have to begin getting ready to go to work.

I get to shave! I get to shower! Get dressed! Get stuck in traffic!

Let's hear it for routine!!

I also get to weigh myself, see how many pounds I've gained or lost since yesterday morning. That will go a long way to determining my mood today...I'll either be quiet or quieter.

Talk to you again tonight.

the world spins around me. its winds blow and its rains fall, its thunder blusters and it points its electrified fingertips in all directions - it fights itself, it wonders who to blame and where to go next.

but I am the I of the storm, the calm truth, the ground wire, I am the god you all seek.

the storm rises and falls, it moves away and it closes in, it weakens and it gains strenghth again. no matter to me. I am immovable. I stand steady. when I look, I can see it - but it breaks my heart and I look away. When I listen, I can hear it - but it is only noise, so I turn my music up again. When I stretch out my hand I can feel it - but it is cold, so I pull my hand back in and put it back in my pocket.

I am my own safe harbor.

i feel kinda stoned tonight so i'm glad there are no twinkies available.

however, i did consume three 100 Grand miniature bars for dinner. Ummm, nutrition!

yesterday was my wife's birthday - she is all of 24 years now.

today is our anniversary. we are all of 6 years now.

still got the highest trump up my sleeve.

my ego is raging today. it's on fi-yah!

and no, i cannot compose more than a sentence at a time. a sentence and a phrase, perhaps. not two sentences.

if a paragraph contained no sentences, would it be a paragraph or just a stack of clauses?

you tell me!

Part II - 1:48 am

Kira - the mom, Andrei - the baby boy, and Ragnar - proud papa

As one or two of you may have noticed yesterday, this site was kaput! Non-existent! Gone!

As it turns out, mine wasn't the only one. My webhost, The Host Group (the World's Greatest Webhost! I might add) experienced a bit of a problem. The suffered an electrical fire and had to shut everything, including the servers, down. Per Christopher Berry (the World's Greatest CEO of a webhosting company! I might add) there were around 250,000 sites down yesterday. Can I get a "Holy Shit!"? Everything is ok now, as you can see, and I'm back in the saddle again...

I've got something extra special for you I think you're gonna like. I've got a really nifty way to share with you my now almost daily updates to...oh yes...to something you know all about. Until I can get the site updated with a permanent link, click here to see what I'm talking about...

I don't have anything to say tonight, but I didn't want to be a slacker so here I am.

I need some filler...

OK, personal faves at this moment: Maroon 5, Mescalero, Hershey Bars w/Almonds, continued pound loss, big plans!!, FALL IS HERE!, overtime pay, headphones at work, my guitar, hiking boots, belts with silver tips, getting emails from pretty girls, emails from friends, comments on my blog, being an ass-kicking web designer, super-high Google ranks, knowing, getting my sites for another year...

Downers: student loans, eleven hour days, coming home to a dirty apartment, not getting paid for being an ass-kicking web designer, being a good boy, moochers, liars, hunger, and ... being a good boy!

There. This counts, doesn't it?

Tonight's post is dedicated to elevator etiquette.

I work on the 8th floor of a twelve story building. There are six elevators that go up and down, up and down all day. However, the number of elevators actually needed would be more like 10. There is always a bottleneck with twenty or thirty people waiting on the ground floor for a ride.

Here are the things that make me want to punch my co-workers:

1. When I'm standing next to an elevator entrance when it comes down, and fifteen people shove me aside in order to get on.

2. When I'm on the elevator coming down, it reaches the ground floor, and when the doors open a mass of people are crowded around the open doors so not only can I not get off the elevator, they start coming on with me still in it.

3. When I'm the only one waiting for an elevator, I push the "up" button, and wait. Someone else comes up and pushes the "up" button again - or even worse, holds the button.

4. I get on the elevator on the 8th floor, going down. I press the button for the ground floor. On the way down, it stops at the 6th floor. Someone gets on and presses the ground floor button again, even though it's already lit up.

5. Several people are on the elevator. It stops and people get out. As they are leaving, someone presses the "close door" button. Can't you fucking wait the 1.2 seconds it will take for the doors to close on their own?

and 6. If you're only going up one floor or down one floor, use the fucking stairs you fuckin' pussy!

Sorry for the rant. I've been holding that in a long time. I feel better now.

knockin' em down like dominos. one more piece must fall or it didn't matter if any of them did. it's the major domo, the Captain Kangaroo, the Grande Dame, the sexy debutante, it's the 2001: A Space Odysee of dominos. How much speed have I gathered? How much force have I applied? What will happen when my mass and speed collide with an immovable object?

Disaster?

or a miracle!

ah, well, we shall see!

Now - on to more important things!

Miss Houghlin - how have YOU been? Have you taken your trip yet? I'll bet you have by now. Weren't you taking the trip with someone?

Did the drive go quickly or could ANTS MARCHING have passed you? Did you listen to SATELLITE radio on the way? Did you CRUSH all depression and anxiety while you were gone? I hope you had fun EVERYDAY! And I wonder if you had anyone CRASH INTO YOU --

Sorry for neglecting you lately. Really - I will fulfill my promise at long last this year and show you that I'm not really this neurotic and freaky in real life, only on the internet.

since i fell asleep last night before writing in this damn diary of mine, thought i'd take just a moment this morning to say only this: rub a little sunshine on your face while you gots da chance!

I guess it's time for a bit of a lifestyle change. You know it's time for a lifestyle change when you get the bejesus scared out of you in an emergency room.

Anyone care to know what my blood pressure was at the height of everything, as I was lying on a gurney about to be wheeled in to have my brain scanned, after having dry-heaved for about fifteen minutes?

149/99.

The doctor said I could have had a stroke at any point. A STROKE!

I wish I knew what caused it to spike up like that. I had a problem with my blood pressure last winter, but I'd gotten it back down to normal by losing weight. Only thing I can think of is stress. Perhaps I don't handle it well. Maybe I internalize it? Perhaps.

I'm coming out of my drug-induced coma tonight and feel quite a bit better. Not great, or even good, but quite a bit better. I'll live.

I woke up 4:00 am Sunday with a bad, bad headache. Really bad. Violently bad.

I took my usual dose of pain killers and after a long while fell asleep again. Woke up again around 7am. Pain was worse. Vomited. After a long while I fell asleep again. Woke up again, not sure what time, pain was even worse. Vomited.

Kris drove me to the Urgent Care Center. Vomited twice there. They gave me a shot of some powerful pain killer that starts with an "F". Came home. Fell asleep for several hours. Woke up. The pain had returned, even worse. I was crying out loud from the pain.

Kris took me to the Clark Memorial Hospital emergency room. Vomited. The doctor came to see me. Checked me out a little, asked a few questions. Next thing I know I was admitted to the hospital. My blood pressure was extremely high, dangerously high. They gave me a CAT scan. Shot me with another drug that put my lights out. Big Time.

I've got prescriptions galore to get filled and I still feel like complete ass. But the headache pain is gone.

It's all or nothing.
It's black or white.
On or off.
1 or 0.

she is my favorite

no one's picture could be more appropriate to share today than audrey tautou's

perfection for a perfect day

Crunch time.
Outcome: uncertain
Outlook: unfavorable
Spirits: beginning to sink
Mood: a bit snippy
Hours: extra long
Headway gained: -17.5
Laughing hysterically: yes

Somebody said you've got to make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in. Whoever said that, shut the fuck up.

To paraphrase the great George Carlin:
You ever realize how many really stupid people you meet in a day? Carry a pad and pen around with you and write them down - you'll have twenty or thirty names by the end of the day. And it doesn't take very long to spot one, does it...it takes about five seconds. You'll be listening to some guy...This guy is fucking stupid!

Some people aren't stupid, they're full of shit. Take you about as long to spot them, too. You'll be listening to some guy...well, he seems fairly intelligent...OOP! He's full of shit!

Fo Sheezy

It wasn't a pretty sight. Had to make it go away! You know what I mean - you've read some of my "oops" posts before I could take them down - ugly, just ugly!

Did you have a good extra long weekend?