November 2003 Archives

+++ and yet today I give it to you anyway... +++

I have trust issues.

To say that I find it difficult to trust would be incorrect. I find it impossible to trust.

I don't trust anyone. Or, I trust no one. Not one person. Not even you.

I truly believe that even the people I am close to will fuck me in an instant. I believe they will lie to me. I believe they will try to keep the truth from me. I believe they will do this at varying times for the purpose of hurting and to avoid hurting me.

This is the exaxt opposite of how I work.

For example: this website is as public as possible. Anyone in the world can see this. Therefore, I lie here constantly. I make shit up. I talk shit. However, I also tell the truth. The reader cannot know what is real. That's what makes this site so great!

However, for those people in my life I care about, I will never lie. Never. About anything. Ever. It is exactly because you are important to me that you deserve the truth.

Anyway, there it is. For what it's worth. A big fat steaming hunk of zero, I'd guess.

<<< end truth >>>

today marked my one year anniversary with my employer.

What NON-difference a year makes!

somethin' to be said for steady. reliable. dependable.

and that's boring. lifeless. dead. uninteresting.

give me cancer now.

2:30 am. Do you know where your laundry is?

I do.

It's washed.

It's dried.

and most of it is hung up.

FYI - book of the month is Vonnegut's Hocus Pocus. I'm sure I'll be sprinkling you with some quotes from time to time. Can't help myself.

Check the new link on the left for "extras".

If I could ever sleep I might be dangerous.

If you live in NYC you probably already know about this. I wish I lived there so I could help. But they'll lose, and then I'd have to move back here.

Oh wait. I forgot about this. I hate people.

Look Ma! Nicer looking navigation!

And I FINALLY added the navbar to the monthy archives. I've been trying to figure out for months why I couldn't get the navbar to work there. If you care, I named a div incorrectly, and that was really throwin' things off.

Anyway, I've officially switched browsers again. I'm full-bore, die-hard Firebird now. Firebird kicks major tail. It's the fastest you'll ever browse, hands down. Plus, I downloaded about twenty extensions tonight that are cool as shit. I'm lovin' this.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot: PUSSY!

I now have in my possession the full length Paris Hilton sex video.

...and it only took me a day and a half to get it! Just gotta know where to look, and I do.

OK, so the lighting is bad. And she may quite possibly be the worst fuck of all time, yet...

Who cares?!? She is still one super cute sweety, and I've now seen her pussy.

That makes two posts in a row with the word "pussy" in them. I don't think that's happened before. Perhaps I'll make it three next time. Or maybe I'll just turn this thing into a pornblog and post pictures of different pussies everyday. Could be fun!

Nah. My brain is more interesting than any pussy, no matter whose it is. Unless, of course, the pussy is in my face...

i live here, but i don't want to.

i want to live in a land where computers grow on trees - itaniums and G5s. I want to peck on keys and click on mice, i want to create pretty pages, i want my own studio and protools, i want to download full-length fuck movies in five seconds and jack off when i get tired of recording myself playing the steadiest beats on my 3000-piece Tama set. I want bucketsfull of Tylenol and Ephedra, I want an IV flow of nicotine jammed in my arm at all times. i want my own personal library filled with hardcover editions of all my favorite books. i want a switch on my forehead that immediately alleviates writer's block and migraine headaches. i want to eat nothing but pringles and donut sticks for the rest of my life and never gain a pound. i want a rechargeable battery pack installed in my abdomen so i never have to sleep. i want nuts the size of pineapples and a yard long cock. i want to fuck every girl i take the notion to and still remain faithful to my wife. i want a libido the size of which the world has never known and the ability to make good. i want to dematerialize in one place and materialize anywhere else in the world by mere thought. i want to be crowned dictator of the world and have my first and only command be that all rules everywhere for the rest of time be abolished. I want to gather all copies of the bible and the koran and every religious book, pamphlet, leaflet, newsletter, and tract and with them create a massive bonfire over which we'll cook smores and next to which all the smart and attractive people in the world will have a month-long orgy.

November 6 - wow.

I really do try to post here only when I think I have something interesting, informative, or mildly amusing to say. Or when I post a new song that no one will click on to hear.

I toss that aside tonight as I post for nary a reason. I didn't post to complain about my state of affairs, or to give you a bogus dialogue, or to give googly eyes to anyone or anything.

I could tell you about my job. But then...no.
I could tell you about my relationships. Nah.
I could tell you how you really should doubt the things that I say. But you already know that.
I could tell you about my dreams that won't come true. How dull.
I could give you my outlook on life. I'm sure you've got your own.

Maybe I'll ask you something. Maybe I will.
How do you get through your days?
What is your motive power?
What is the engine that drives you?
Or are you just coasting? Drifting? Being blown about?

I have an engine. And it's a motherfucker, too.
Wanna race?

I'm about to sit in my truck on this bridge for next six hours.

Say it with me, fool! There is no god!

Some random words to live by:

- if you feel like saying something, try thinking instead

- "we" are not all "one"

- the words "society" and "culture" have no meaning

- do not fuck people who do not want you to be fucking them

- do not force people to live by your rules

- the earth is not alive, nor is it a mother.

- hate is not wrong.