January 2004 Archives

i posted here a few days ago )))but then deleted it for important reasons(((( about how proud i am of this damn site i've created. i am. really. this isn't the way i planned it, but it has become something pretty special. at least to me.

after all this time, it's actually -and, finally! - taking shape. tonight i've gotten rid of all the inconsistencies i could find, all the oopses and miscues and little things that irked me. i can say, in all honesty, that i like my own site now. but what's next? what's next is what's already here. i've set up the novelog so that this year i can get off of my procrastinating bazooka and write some damn fiction. that's where the action will be this year, i hope.

werz my icky-nacia? my gitchybalooba?

yeppers, gettin' sick. everyone else has had it, i reckon it's my turn at bat.

til'n I feelz better, i'll be catch'n ya later.

looks like i've stopped the locomotive here for awhile.

i never realized how useful it could be. i've always gotten chills when encountering it being properly employed.
How was i to know it had practical application?

advice to anyone: try accenting the off-beats.

sweet girl...

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i don't know my ass from a hole in the ground, don't know if i'm coming or going. pretty sure i'd know it if i was coming, but that's a different story altogether. i'm so sleepy...sleepy...but can't sleep. what's wrong with me? i have a disease! i'm sick! no other explanation is possible! someone punch me in the face and knock me out! pound me over the head with a cedar rolling pin! CRAP!

yeah, ok, so I don't have a boner.

But I sure wouldn't mind having one!

Let's get it on!

This was my little project for tonight. It was due tomorrow (i mean, later today) and Kris had forgotten about it.

So, me to the rescue! What do ya think? Yes, I do kick ass.

If you only knew what I had to work with here, you'd be even more in awe of my amazing graphics capabilities! I rule the earth with an iron fist of creativity!

This is all heading to a very special place. That's why we travel this road.

Over the all the fucking rocks and into all the fucking potholes, ripping down brush, taking down trees, blazing a trail. We just keeping looking to the mountains and following Wyatt's Torch.

Until I can't walk and then walk some more. Inner strength. Potent. A mind like a hammer, words like razors.

I got my funny face painted on...

Please, come inside. I know I will.

i let it ring and ring...

no one answered, so i hung up.

I've just tallied up how many posts I've deleted from this blog.

115!!

One hundred fifteen entries are gone forever. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

But that's not what I wanted to tell you.
Here is the thing that I want to say: I am really fucking pissed off.
Have been for about a week now.
And I'm really fucking pissed off in a very strange kind of way.
I'm really fucking pissed off in a way that makes me feel like making ultra-big changes.
It's getting stronger everyday.
Each day, when something happens that would irk me or disappoint me or piss me off at just the normal level any other time...well, I get even more really fucking pissed off. It's exponential pissed-offedness.
Each new thing gets rolled over by this big ball of already really fucking pissed off that is rolling down a mountain and is consumed by it and the ball gets bigger and picks up speed.
But my outward expression of all this anger? A pursed lip.

big sugar is gone.

The ram, the double-neck SG, the hemi-vision, the Hugo Boss.

come back to us soon, Gordie.

i just cannot sleep.

hell to pay tomorrow, nothing i can do to change it. might as well write some words, if any will come.

when it's difficult for me to write, and it often is...nevermind. I wrote some stuff here but just backspaced it all out. It was stupid, you didn't miss anything.

it would have been nice to have had some company tonight.

and there i go editing myself again. but it was the right thing to do. if i learned one thing in college, it's that communication is irreversible. once it's done, it can never be undone. it can't be fixed or erased. so think before you speak, and think about who it is you say things to. that seems like a simple idea, but it's not. there are consequences, consequences, consequences...

Yes, I thank you!

On the top of the very long list of things I appreciate about you is this:

You never fail to let me know I am not a priority.

They are Waterproof Blonde.

Just got a copy of their debut EP today by a strange twist of fate, and thought I'd give'em a bit of free publicity. Here ya go, guys!

I was seriously impressed by the musicianship of the band, and with the production chops of whoever is responsible. This band is not long for the indie scene...

And did I mention, they are a Louisville band. Oh yes! Catch them at Headliner's this month or at Jillian's next month. I'll be there.

I know you want to see Rachel Hagan in person...

Warning: The following post contains large amounts of nostalgia

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1994 and 1995.
Woo-ee Honey, crazy wild!

In those days, I was part of a big group of guys and gals who liked to party, dance, rock out, get stoned, fuck, drink, smoke, and then, at the end of the night, have a little weed.

I honestly don't know how many of us there were, but it was close to twenty. The names that easily pop into my head are Tim and Steve Mullins, Tracy, and Summer. But I also remember Jon and Any Finn, Derrick, Jason, and holy hell, Courtney Bell.

Summer Sieg - where are you??

What was our common bond? What one thing could've brought such a diverse group of people together?

Music in general, and one band in particular:

Louisville's own legendary rock gods, the greasy, sweaty, drunk-ass Bodeco!

We saw them lots of places, but no place beat the now defunct but sorely missed Cherokee. What a dive! Before it was the Cherokee, it was Tewligan's - the lair of punk rawk. After it became the Cherokee, the punks still came. So each Friday and Saturday this place became an unholy mixture of blues lovers, roots rock guys, and punkers. It was the coolest place ever. EVER!

One of the greatest memories I have: the CD release party for "Callin' All Dogs". The end of the show, last song: Rock and Roll Til The Cows Come Home. Blues Queen Tanita Gaines came onstage to sing with the boys. On the last verse, Tanita came down off the stage, handed me the lyric sheet and the microphone. I sang a line and handed the mic to the guy to my left - none other than another Louisville legend - Scott Mullins! So there I am, jammed up against the little stage with Tanita Gaines and Scott Mullins singing my ass off, while Tim Mullins, my friend, drunk beyond drunk, stood with his head down and swaying, pumping his fist in time with the beat. I'll never forget it.

I have to mention these things, too. Every time Bodeco played the Cherokee, the same drunk punk with dyed hair sat on the edge of the stage. Between songs, he would request his favorite Bodeco song - Spank Your Fanny. He would request it by shouting it over and over at the top of his lungs: "Spank Your Fanny! Spank Your Fanny!" At least, I think he was requesting that song...

And Ricky Feather's girl. Wowza!

The night Tracy, Summer, and I went there without the other boys. Summer and Tracy were dropping hits of acid left and right. Summer came out of the bathroom freaked out because she saw little demons in there! And that night Tracy stripped off in my car - and I didn't get to see it. But I did keep the bra...

Ah hell.
Bodeco's newest CD is out. Their first since '95. It takes me right back...
Have a listen - Crazy Wild is the Song of the Moment!

Hey skippy - I think you better flop on out of here.

I was a bit wrong in my last entry. In fact, there were several more hours of pain to come. Now, finally, the pain is gone. Yes, nearly 24 hours later. What a doozy!

I want to be pierced. Far more than I am. I want to be able to do that. I want my second ear pierced again like it used to be. I want my eyebrow pierced. Yes, and other places. I want a couple of nice tattoos. I do not want a 9 to 5 job. I do not want a regular life.

In a vast array of ways, I do not have a regular life. Thankfully, I don't think that's even possible for me, because I am not a regular person. One of the biggest hurdles that I've had to overcome in my life is this: having to force myself into situations in which I must appear as normal as possible.

Over the years, I have successfully disengaged myself from as much of this as I could. Yet, I can't really disengage myself from a job, can I? So, it's up to me to find something more open, less traditional, something I can let my hair down in - so to speak. Can I do this? Will I do this? Probably not.

I have been very lucky to have found so many individuals throughout my life who have accepted me "as is", who are themselves so much more than most, who have their own specific strange tendencies and thoughts that are off the beaten path. They all deal with it in different ways, but none have been able to find that satisfation we all look for. We are all freaks in sheep's clothing.

However, each of us must face the inherent sadness that comes with the constriction of personality, shutting our mouths, that great angst of conformity. We are all so much happier when we can shed our fake skins and let the real monsters out in the open. And we can only really do this around each other.

Or when we're alone.

After 15 hours, I rejoin the world of the living. My coma is over and only cobwebs remain.

I hate this. I really, really hate this.

"...for the first time in his life he had spoken to a man without feeling the reluctance, the sense of pressure, the need of disguise he had always experienced when he spoke to people; there had been no strain and no need of strain; as if he had spoken to himself."





"It is the whole secret of their power-- that it was self-sufficient, self-motivated, self-generated. A first cause, a fount of energy, a life force, a Prime Mover. The creator served nothing and no one. He had lived for himself."





"I wished to come here and state my terms. I do not care to exist on any others."

The results have been in for several days now, but I thought I'd let the suspense build up...

e g o c e n t r i c i t y - it actually did much better than I expected. I was pleasantly surprised! 11439 unique visitors pulling down over 139000 hits. Wow.

and, AND December was the busiest month yet!

You love me, you reallylove me!

KV again...gotta love that man!

As time goes by and I get restocked on photos for the photoblog (and brainstorm for better ideas for the navigation), I thought I'd share two of the newbies with you.

Here is the first. Who is the masked crusader?

And the second, of my little grey puffball of sweetness, Kira. I had to crop this one so youz guys wouldn't get to see me in my undies!

Back in 1988 - 16 YEARS AGO!! - when I was a freshman in high school, I made a prediction. This was just as I was beginning to really think about things, discover politics, and put things down on paper.

Here for you know, reprinted in full, is an article from Reason that shows I just might be the next Nostradamus. Or Cleo at least...

{Kelly Jane Torrance, wherever you are, please don't be pissed about your IP rights! I'm not claiming this as mine, and I'm giving it just a tiny bit of exposure!}

December 23, 2003

Food Fight
Anti-fat police are ready to bust heads
Kelly Jane Torrance

"Public Health Is Everybody's Business," read the button a chirping woman pushed into my hand at November's annual meeting of the American Public Health Association in San Francisco. A day later I discovered firsthand that public health is everybody's business but mine. I was "escorted" out of the meeting for the crime of documenting what America's food fascists have planned for our plates.

A man in a "Howard Dean" cap, who refused to identify himself, made a fuss when he discovered that an operative from the Center for Consumer Freedom had infiltrated the event. (It wasn't hard; I wore my professional affiliation on my name badge.) Standing in front of my camera, he loudly proclaimed to the room that I was with a "right-wing foundation," and claimed that I had misrepresented myself. Maybe it was a personal thing

quiet times here, quiet times for sure.

how were your holidays?

excited about the New Year?

what did you resolve to do? anything?

i made a few resolutions, i must admit. unfortunately, i can't reveal them to you. you know, in case i fail to accomplish what i set out to do, i'll be the only one to know i've failed. self-defense.

i was actually quite successful in fulfilling last year's resolutions.
Listen:
One year ago, things were very messy.

What did i set out to do last year to clean up the mess?

I resolved to **f o c u s**.
Focus on my priorities. Focus on what needed to be done and do it. Focus on those I love (and yes - YES! - i am capable of love...), you know, all one...two...maybe three of you. And that's not even counting myself! And I did focus on myself. 2003 was my year of introspection, more than any other.

And although no one, no one can predict the future, I have a strong suspicion that 2004 will be one hell of a year. I plan on having a little fun this year.

Who wants to join me in a little fun ???

i curse often. in fact, i often curse.
and i think it's perfectly okay, of course, to curse.

my batteries are running low again.

i'm headed back to my cocoon for a bit longer.