"better left unsaid"
those words got me to thinking tonight.
I can imagine situations in which things might be better left unsaid. But those situations always involve artificial relationships. For example, at work. You may not want to say "Boss, you're the biggest assclown I've ever seen."
But within relationships that are true, that are freely-chosen and wholly desired, in what way could it be better not to say whatever is on your mind?
Shouldn't a pair of friends be able to tell each other things like:
- what were you thinking?
- you just acted retarded
- please leave me alone for awhile
- that shade of blue isn't flattering, or even
- i love you
Shouldn't lovers be able to say to each other:
- you look awful in those pants
- i don't like it when you...
- i am completely crazy about you
- that girl/boy is totally hot!
- your friends are manipulative little sluts/cocksuckers, or even
- I hate you right now
Yes, I know. Who am I to speak with wisdom about relationships? Aren't I the one with no friends?
Ya got me. Maybe it's because it's difficult to find someone else who thinks like I do. I think if I'm someone's friend or lover I owe them the truth, and they owe me the truth. About everything! The truth can always be dealt with, but hiding the truth or lying, well, that just doesn't do anyone any good.
Besides, hiding things makes me feel bad, it makes me feel icky. Being able to say whatever pops into my head - that's freedom, that's trust, and that's safety. When you have freedom, and trust, and safety you've got a relationship worthy of fighting for.
Also, I know sometimes the truth can hurt. It can be disruptive. It can cause fights even. Sometimes, it can radically change lives. But the pain or the disruption or the fight - they are all real, not fake. And ultimately, those things only make life better.
I want a friend of mine to be able to look me in the eyes and say "You loser! What have you done with your life? You've wasted so much! And besides that, you've got a fat ass and pointy chin and crazy nose and a bit of a lazy eye. And did I ever tell you that you come across as an arrogant fuck half the time, and I never liked your writing! You suck!" I want them to feel free to tell me "Sometimes, I wonder what I like about you! Sometimes I wish you'd just go away and leave me alone!" I can take it! I can handle the truth! What I can't handle is someone NOT telling me the truth. What I cannot handle are secrets!!
When you tell me things are better left unsaid, I want to know this: in what possible way? Just freakin' tell me already!
Trust me on this one. I know of what I speak.
