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June 2004 Archives
Check out the SCOTUS ruling on the Hiibel case.
i don't think there is such a thing as a bad massage.
there is no bad...only good and better. or is it just me?
being touched. it's the being touched that is what counts. i'm allowing you to touch me. yes, it feels nice. but it's a power thing - yes?
a massage does not have to be sexual at all, but the two are very similar to me.
except for this one thing: it is possible to have bad sex. girls i don't think would have this problem, but as a guy - well, if you're not up for it it's going to be a long night. but as long as everything is in working order - what could the problem be?
too quick? too long? not enough of this or that? who cares! doesn't mean it's bad. it's still great! with sex, there is only great and greater.
besides, there's always next time...
You want to read some funny stuff? Check out my entry below from a few hours ago.
I could delete it, but I think it might turn into an ego classic - so it stays.
i would normally have passed out by now, but i'm still awake.
so i don't know really how i'm still awake or why but i am, and so i don't get to experience what this feels like most of the time since i pass out.
i will hold it together to tell you what i mean. about eight o'clock i started to take pills since i didn't feel good at all and i new something bad was coming. but it kept coming and i kept taking pills because i couldn't let it come i didn't want to miss or be late for work tomorrow. alot to do. so i kept taking pills.
i don't know how many i've had. i know i've had alot. wait let me think.
ok i think something like 25! that sounds crazy, and it is. 25 times 500 miligrams is (i just multiplied on the calculator) 12500 milligrams. i think i should be dead now. i'm not in pain! i may be drooling. i know i feel way drunk sort of, i keep mistyping and having to backspace alot. can't feel my fingertips but i'm looking at them. again, i don't know why i've not just fell over asleep, usually after 16 my body just shuts down and can't take any more. not tonight.
wow i feel weird. maybe i should stop typing. don't want to say anything stupid! that's my greatest fear of being drunk you know? not being in control, like now kind of. don't want to spill the beans on all my deep dark secrets and make myself look like a jackass. any more than usual, that is.
Sadly, today broke the streak of good days in a row. I could barely stay awake and the project i'm on at work is monotonous like crazy. Had a bit of a sinus issue as well, with the sneezy and runny. Un-nice.
But all day I got calls from Kris, and if those things didn't work I just minimized everything and stared at my Maria Mena wallpaper and played the only song i have from her over and over.
my favorite quote from Denis:
Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!? That is it! End of fucking list!
everyone poops.
your grandma poops. your sister. your friends.
they all poop.
that guy or gal you like so much - he or she poops.
your boss poops.
sooner or later, you too will poop.
some poop more often than others, some do it better than others.
but when it's all said and done,
a poop is a poop -
and it's better to have a bad poop than no poop at all.
Oooh, rock me egocentric!
Yeah, that's what all the girls say. Chicks dig bloggers!
Especially, bloggers with their own domains. Like me!
{pardon me for my overuse of the exclamation point. however, i'm not done with it quite yet}
I have had several good days all in a row. Not sure if I'm about to break a personal record, but it's got to be getting close. I spent ten hours at work today and didn't speak to a single person. All day.
Not even hello!
Kris got home a little after eight, and I've yet to see her. She ice creamed with one friend, now dinnering with another. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in neutral tonight, begging for a nap but too hopped up on pills to sleep.
(This is my 400th blog posting...congratulations to me for my stick-to-itiveness! And, what a terrific post this was!)
{end: exclamation points}
double my dose, baby
give it to me twice
i'm sick...
so sick...
better double my dose
cause it's
ten kinds of crazy
it's six in the morning
hallucinitating and jitterbug dancing
i saw a naked cowgirl floatin' across the ceiling
i saw my naked cowgirl
she was floating across the ceiling
i closed my eyes and reached out for her
but she was gone
she's not ever coming back
she was never really there
she never was mine
but i can still close my eyes
and see my little cowgirl
floating across the ceiling
i can still close my eyes
Think of me, sweet darling
when everything is going bad
Think of me sweet darling
Every time you're feeling sad
Think of me sweet darling
Every time you don't come
Can you feel the fever?
Think of me sweet darling
Every time things get rough
Think of me sweet darling
When the best just isn't enough
Think of me sweet darling
Every time you don't come
Can you feel the fever?
'Cause nobody else is doing it
And nobody else is doing it no no
Thought that our harmony was the new harmony
Lord it was a little too strange
And the band played on
I said I was going to put God away
She's been here awhile
Living in the guest room
I guess she goes in style...
I said I was going to put God away
But I just can't let her go
Can you feel the fever?
Now I lay me down to sleep in this enemy bed
Tomorrow morning I will wake up hurting
From the things we've said
One thing leads to another
But I guess you know about that...
Can you feel the fever?
'Cause nobody else is doing it
And nobody else is doing it no no
Thought that our harmony was the new harmony
Lord it was a little too strange
And the band played on
-- thanks LB
It'll have to wait until tonight I s'pose. I did wake up once, but I didn't even come in this room.
With lots to write about and lots to think about, I find myself too sleepy to do either.
Maybe in a few hours after I wake up I can come back here...
What a curiously amazing day this was.
Because, you know, first of all - like I said, I woke up on time, and I showed up to work on time. I wasn't late!
So then I'm all @ work, @ work, @ work - ten hours today. A few interesting things happened that kinda made the day go by...well, not quickly, but less slowly.
A special thanks to the always cheerful and always cute Nadia Davidenkoff - "thank you kindly!" for putting a spring in my step!
Treated myself to some tasty strawberry milk around 7:30. Mmmm.
Got a call from Kris letting me know that the coupling of Allison and Daniel is officially over. HE dumped HER. So glad he did, otherwise that situation would've gone on and on and on and on.
Fired up the old PSOne and played Abe's Exodus for nearly an hour and a half. I haven't played that game for over three years (not at all at my current residence!), and I had forgotten how fun that damn game is. And how hard. Still my favorite after all this time.
The Pistons won! Die, Lakers, Die!
Finished all the laundry. All of it!
Ripped six new songs for the radio.blog here on this site. Please listen - otherwise why the heck do I bother?
It's new music Tuesday, so I checked ITunes for goodies. Found goodies! Snagged a couple of the new Beastie Boys tracks, the Supersuckers' cover of Hey Ya!, the first single from Maria Mena's new disc, and holy of holies - ITunes just added the all-time classic "Falco 3".
Way back in 1986, I was the biggest Falco fan on the planet. Sixth grade for me and I couldn't get enough. I even belonged to the International Falco fan club. I had Falco 3 on album (still do!), but have never been able to find it on CD, even at import shops and ebay. But guess what? Got it now! Tango the night away...
It's 1:01 am now. Time to wind down and hit the sack. The day is just starting, so time to get some sleep.
See you tonight - for real!
I woke up on time!
But I'm still going to be late!!
How do I do this?
you only get me at night, you only see the nocturnal me.
the night can filled by so much. it can be a time for love, a time for dancing, a time for truth-filled talking, a time to be naughty and mischievous. night time is freedom time. there are no obligations, there is nothing you have to do. this is your time. don't waste it in bed! there will be plenty of time to be sleepy while you're at work tomorrow doing shit you hate to do. be awake to do the things you love to do!
but as i say, you only see me at night. you only see me while i'm alone, at night. all the other things are done. all the trivial stuff is done. my head sort of clears up and i think about the bigger things, usually. the stuff i can't do anything about - and there's plenty i can't do anything about. it's easy for me to get weirded out at night and think about things i shouldn't think about, or to get freaky perspectives if i've stayed up too long.
i get scared at night. not of the darkness or spooks or boogie people or thieves, but of the future. Of my future.
then i try to talk myself out of being scared. i try to apply all the feel-good shit i know. doesn't work most of the time. but if i wait long enough, i do get sleepy and go to bed. and then another day starts, another day i'm both glad to have and wish i didn't have.
you wouldn't believe me if i told you i can be the goofiest, silliest person. true, though. just have to catch me at the right time. well, maybe it's best that you don't get to see that!
i'm thinking this post didn't make much sense. but, it came out, so i guess i needed to say it. or something.
This month has been Anna Faris month. Strangely enough, I've seen her in three movies over the last two weeks.
She's pretty.
!! -- :everything in moderation: -- !!
No. Fuck that, and fuck you for saying so.
Nothing in moderation. Nothing.
Live for what you love, screw the rest.
perhaps a regulation is in order?
But read this. Read it well. Read it again.
Now do you wonder why I want to move to New Zealand?
and..AND!! I'm proud to announce that I've finally been linked! Over at Better Living Through Blogging this site is featured on his links page. Hoorah!
I think it's because we're both Fountainhead fans and atheists. Just a guess, though.
I cannot email you - your inbox is full.
Please delete something so I can contact you!!
am i invisible?
can you not see me?
this is intensely fucking crazy. i can't stand it.
this is like getting picked last to play dodgeball in middle school, except instead of getting picked last - not getting picked at all and the game goes on all around me, and it's not middle school it's my entire life.
but then, suddenly, someone calls my name. maybe they want me to play! so i go running over, smiling, and they do ask me to play! But then they give me the ball and go running away to play in the real game as i realize the ball is flat and coated with urine.
I made the decision last weekend to remove myself once again, I think I may have mentioned that here.
It really was inevitable.
You know, I let you fuck me once.
I even let you get off the second time, but as they say:
third strike, you're out.
So now, as before and before, I find myself with time on my hands.
Time alone on my hands.
Which - and I say this honestly! - sucks.
I am at a point in my life where I really would like to have a friend. You know: someone to depend on, someone who will never lie, someone who could catch a glimpse of me and understand what they see. Someone to spend time with when there is nobody else. Somebody to help keep me sane!
So the majority of this weekend blew. Trying to get back into swing of being by myself, not so easy. And I'm still mad, which doesn't help matters any. Today was good though.
And late Saturday night was good. I got lost in design and the finished product was what I wanted.
I don't know if the fact that I spend so much time tweaking my two websites is neat or pathetic. I guess it doesn't matter.
OK, just most of the night. But I was productive!
I completely updated the navigation at my thorogood site. Consistent as a mofo, I tell ya! You've got to love the SUB-navigation, too.
I rock ass.
I've upgraded.
Kind of a big deal, I guess. Loyalty counts for something, at least with me.
Oh, and I've re-instated the comments feature. Please use it!
i can completely feel the pain of ximwix. I, too, am temporarily out of ideas.
check that...
Not so much out of ideas as much as I am out of things to write about.
I am, how do you say - - - uninspired.
So, in lieu of interesting things, I'll be writing about what I did today!
Last night was a little weird. HA!
I was all up, down, up, down. Sleep, get up, sleep, get up. One really bad dream. Not scary in the conventional way, but scary. Made a couple of posts here at the site.
Woke up by Kris' alarm at 6:30. Tried to go back to sleep, took forever. Fell back asleep with 30 minutes until my alarm went off.
Woke up at 7:50. Grouchipated!
Got to work on time (hooray!). Work Work Work. Left at five. Fuck overtime.
Got home, drank a yummy glass of Slim-Fast and had a tuna sandwich.
Went upstairs, fired up the comp. Downloaded many full sets of glamour.cz naked girls. That made me happy. Took one hour and five minute nap.
Upon waking, took shower.
Straightened up the apartment a bit.
Kris came home.
Played basketball for about an hour in the dark. I hit three baskets, I swear. I think the sun was in my eyes.
Took the trash out, checked the mail.
Watched TV for about fifteen minutes.
Came upstairs, fired up the computer.
Experimented with implimenting MT CMS on my Thorogood site. Tried to reconfigure the "links" section and failed miserably. Put everything back the way it was and decided to play around more with that on another day.
Talked to Allison on the phone.
Played with the cats.
Put Kris to bed, got some lovin'!!!
Smoked cigarette...
Got a drink and sat back down here to write this lovely stuff that you have enjoyed immensely.
Whew! What a day!
Good stuff, I tell ya. Good stuff.
i heard a joke once, but i don't remember how it goes. i think i laughed when i heard it, though.
if i could remember it, i think i would tell it to myself and try to smile.
insomnia or whatever it is that causes me to not sleep for any length of time - sucks.
maybe that is a joke in itself.
i smiled.
i don't have the first thing to share with you tonight that is the least bit interesting.
i'm racking my brain, i'm digging in my pockets, even checked my belly button.
not a thing.
i'm not happy.
i'm not sad.
or mad.
i am neutral.
i don't feel love for anyone right now. i don't feel hate.
i don't miss anyone. i'm not sleepy.
i have no sparkle.
i popped my head out of my little hole and saw my shadow, so now it's six more weeks of solitude.
thursday night we were hit hard around here.
sunday, we drove out with my parents to the areas that saw the most destruction - places like Borden and New Pekin.
little did we know new storms were on their way. in fact, they were right behind us. they were following us.
we stopped to get a cola and saw on the television that a tornado had just hit two roads we were just on - organ springs and beck's mill. we decided to get back home via an alternate route, and quickly.
later that night, we made it home to await yet another round of bad weather.
now, all the storms have passed.
i wish all the storms of my life would pass so quickly. i wish my storms would destroy other people lives like these did and leave me the hell alone.
