you only get me at night, you only see the nocturnal me.
the night can filled by so much. it can be a time for love, a time for dancing, a time for truth-filled talking, a time to be naughty and mischievous. night time is freedom time. there are no obligations, there is nothing you have to do. this is your time. don't waste it in bed! there will be plenty of time to be sleepy while you're at work tomorrow doing shit you hate to do. be awake to do the things you love to do!
but as i say, you only see me at night. you only see me while i'm alone, at night. all the other things are done. all the trivial stuff is done. my head sort of clears up and i think about the bigger things, usually. the stuff i can't do anything about - and there's plenty i can't do anything about. it's easy for me to get weirded out at night and think about things i shouldn't think about, or to get freaky perspectives if i've stayed up too long.
i get scared at night. not of the darkness or spooks or boogie people or thieves, but of the future. Of my future.
then i try to talk myself out of being scared. i try to apply all the feel-good shit i know. doesn't work most of the time. but if i wait long enough, i do get sleepy and go to bed. and then another day starts, another day i'm both glad to have and wish i didn't have.
you wouldn't believe me if i told you i can be the goofiest, silliest person. true, though. just have to catch me at the right time. well, maybe it's best that you don't get to see that!
i'm thinking this post didn't make much sense. but, it came out, so i guess i needed to say it. or something.
