July 2004 Archives

---

The visit to the doctor went well. One problem solved, two to go.

Something is wrong, we just won't know what it is until the bloodwork comes back.

i have scored eleven points for the word quagmire, thanks for askin'!

scooting closer, i want to nuzzle the day. 33...

and if that is not enough, tomorrow i am to visit a real, live doctor. (doctor, doctor, give me the news!) as the gazillions of regular visitors here will know, i am not a healthy guy. actually, i'm about as unhealthy as they come without having some major disease. which kind of makes me wonder whether i do, in fact, have some kind of major disease.

i am eager, oh so eager, to learn if my medical problems can be alleviated. i never denied i had problems, but they have only gotten worse over the last year. they are pretty much taking over my life, and i need help.

if you're with me, or on my side (!!), cross your fingers for tomorrow morning, okay?

the bullshit:gold ratio has finally started to swing the right direction.

i am thinking so many things all at once that all the thoughts seem to have cancelled each other out so as not to be thinking anything at all.

brainlock!

something new, something old...
when i move on, i really move on

Wow. Son of a bitch! Where did all this come from? What the fuck? Holy shit, where's the Tylenol?

i love to hear a good story, been known to tell one myself.

yet, it's always the non-fiction that stirs me most.

there, i just wanted to say that. not sure why. but anyway, i always know good and well how shit will turn out. especially when it's the story of my life.

my few days past - more likely near a week and some now - they've been a bit with purpose. i suppose for awhile now things will be this way, unexpectedly and busy. it's not my natural way, but i am quite good at it. but anyway, i always know how shit will turn out.

posts may a bit sporadic until this passes. again, unplanned. but it could be nice. it's not like i'm saying anything important.

these are days of rage.

gone.
gone is the same old, same old
no more shaking my head wondering why, wondering how

i don't question the motives, i don't give a shit
fuck the motives

fuck trying to understand
fuck studying the puzzle pieces that were never made to fit together

it's time to kill
to break
to scream and curse

i will not beat my head against the wall anymore
but i might beat yours against the wall
i might break your skull with my bare fucking hands

words are actions
and it's time to get busy

words from the ego are forthcoming.

different words, words i've not yet spoken.

these are new days

vaporized

you do not exist to me.

every reference gone.

every memory erased.

poof.

Welcome to egocentricity version 2.0, the second edition, the next volume, the iteration which follows the first.

I have purged the archives - and will continue to purge as necessary - to remove all references to shit I have no use for any longer. I was busy with the speakwrite all night.

The move from v1 to v2 is somewhat overdue. I've been sliding this direction for a few weeks. I finally had some time and sufficient insomnia to complete the switchover this weekend.

Tomorrow is, in more ways than one, a new day.

ever met a guy who was nothing but a gigantic prick? loud, obnoxious, arrogant, even mean? you understand the type...

ever met that guy's girlfriend - the one who invariably says something like, "That's all just a big front. He's just so insecure...he's just a big softie on the inside!"

i'm that guy's polar opposite.

For the first time in a very long time I find myself thinking about Dr. Harry Weger. If I ever had a mentor, he's it.

He taught me everything I know about communication. And I learned much just by observing.

Thank you.

I'd love to be able to see you there, especially in that first discussion.

Here a dolt, there a dolt, everywhere a dolt dolt.

insane mind games move quick like flames

There are lots of ways to get what you want, but what fun is it to take the quick and easy route?

Make it fun!
Make it a game!
Be persistent!

When you are the only one who knows what's going on, it's simple to win.

You can even lose on purpose and it will still be fun because, really, you've still won!

---

Hey...you're kinda good-lookin'...in an ugly sorta way.

it was all candles and shadows until midnight. that's when the power came back on.

i really don't have much to say tonight. i guess i don't really have anything to say tonight at all.

instead of reading me, how about reading Jesse Walker? He wrote a great column at Reason giving the top Ten Reasons to Fire George W. Bush.

well, i tried again last night for the very last time.

and did i ever strike out! failed! ARROWED!

my persuasive words were powerless against her.

so there it is.

a big "fuck you" to everyone i know.

and...one for everyone i don't.

let's make it a clumsy, dry, forced fuck at that.

I have seen the future, and it sucks.

I mapped out the next two months tonight, and the road I must travel winds through shitty territory.

See what I get when I'm not a complete dickhead?

I'm doing my best to take a very "ah, fuck it" attitude, and it seems to be working ok. Most of the time. Except right now. And some other times...like a few minutes ago, and this afternoon. And this morning.

The bright side here is that the goal I must reach is attainable. I was unsure until I did the actual mapping whether or not it could be done. It can. Huzzah!

In other blazeworthy news:

I forgot to give props to SOS for yesterday's image. Great site, guys and gals.

If nothing else will sustain me during this long, dry stretch - I am now in possession of ZZ Top tickets. Most people see them as a classic rock band and don't realize they've been releasing some of the most nifty albums around for the last two decades. I've mentioned it here before, but Mescalero is the shit. Album of the Year!

The daily job search is going nowhere. Imagine!

I still really like to look at pretty girls, but I'm still one ugly mofo! Good thing I'm married...I'd never get laid otherwise.

Aquafina is aqua-Fine-a!

these are strange times.

when you lay in bed at night, when all is quiet and you are alone with your thoughts...don't the hairs on the back of your neck stand up?

there are big changes on the way.
are you ready to fight?

our world is in the midst of a huge turning point right now.
what side will you be on?

then again - i'm always up for a challenge.

and i always

always!

rise to the occasion...

adjective of the month: overwhelmed.

i find myself beset with certain responsibilities and deadlines that:

- call for an extreme dedication i'm unsure that i have

- are not for my benefit, but instead are for the direct benefit of others. in fact, i get no payoff here at all. i receive only a negative effect.

- cause me to continually wonder "what the fuck am I doing?"

I hate being jammed up in a situation I have no control over.

---

it's going to be a long, cruel summer.

keep him standing up for as long as you can...my record is 58 meters

Chik-tract parody from Modern Drunkard

visit my homies at Bureaucrash

Read what is perhaps the greatest record review ever written over Pitchfork. It doesn't hurt that the review is of "To The 5 Boroughs".

Here's a review of the movie I most want to see right now.

Two words: Jessica Biel.

Some truly insane bullshit that everyone should know about

the inspiration for MANY of my blog entry titles

This is interesting. Try it.

Read about John Kerry's possible VP candidates over at McSweeney's. Be prepared to giggle.

I'm that fool that broke the key
I'm unlockable so don't check me
Got weight on my shoulders and things on my mind
The sky is falling and I'm falling behind
So I synthesize sounds as I patch my brain
Insane mind games move quick like flames
So now I wonder how sometimes you never know
Who be rockin y'all in stereo
in stereo...
in stereo...
in stereo...