Witness the resurrection, the return of the king, the Phoenix rising.
I stand tall, beat my chest, and scream from the depths. Haul ass away from evil shit, and hold close to all that's good, all that's deep, and all that lasts, all that is real.
I remember. I remember. I don't forget.
This is me. This is the ego, the fountainhead, the Alpha Male and the Omega Man, the legendary Link, the one spoken of in tales of years long gone...
Back to fulfill the prophecies, back to take what's mine, back to reclaim the throne from the pretenders.
Even though my scale of good vs. bad has been drastically lowered lately, I can easily say that this weekend was the most incredible weekend I've had in...years and years. And years.
If I looked in the mirror right now, I know I'd see myself glowing.
Awesome. Amazing. Unbelievable.
Wow.
Got really sleepy this evening, so I went to bed at around 10:30. Of course, I woke up at 2:30 and feel like I could run a marathon, so when it's time to really wake up I'll feel like shit. I love it!
Recently, I received some surprising news. It has made me once again re-evaluate a whole big chunk of my life. It's interesting that you while you are living something, you can be totally oblivious to the truth. But my thoughts are on this and won't seem to let go.
It's a much better place for my thoughts to be than where they have been.
My work situation is rapidly detiorating. Not because I'm worried about my job; I'm not at all. The work/not work I'm doing now sucks to a degree that I am not willing to deal with for much longer. If I don't get transferred out of this department by the end of the year, I will leave the company.
Might as well make this the year of big changes.
Days go by, stages progress, steps are taken, life takes shape, and bits of the future fall into place.
This is not an exit.
This is not an exit.
Radically different. Amazingly different. What a wonderful journey this life is, and what a joy it is to know you're living it right.
There is glowing pride that radiates from having made the right choices, having done the right thing, having paid your dues, having developed the relationships, having gathered the knowledge, having put the time in, understanding...from having done it your own way in your own style and having never compromised.
Upgraded to MT 3.11 tonight (2:10 am). All seems to have went well...please leave a comment if you experience any problems with the blog.
Yes.
I have a secret. I have something I cannot tell anyone.
Truth be told, I have several of them. Things I cannot tell anyone.
Do you have things you cannot tell me?
I'll tell you one of mine if you tell me one of yours...
Why can't I just DO things like other people?
It's no big fucking deal, but I just can't make myself do it.
Goddamn it!
I'm up early this morning to get the ball rolling on a process that will help me a great deal, but it's something I just never thought I'd have to do.
I'm not ready to tell you what it is, because a big chunk of me finds it shameful. But I didn't choose to to be here, I wasn't given a choice.
That could not possibly have gone any worse.
Every time I think I may be getting a clearer head, I'm not. My brain must just shut off due to overload, and then when it kicks in again everything is all crazy and haywire again.
This was a rough, rough day. And tomorrow promises to be just as swell.
Shit, I'm lovin' life!
What? You want me to be all down and sad again?
Cut a guy some slack! I'm doing okay tonight, and I think this calls for a celebration!
I still have a job, and I wasn't so sure I was gonna.
I'm still the handsomest guy you'll ever meet - Ha HA!
I'm still losing weight and lifting weights!
I'm still reading books and bloggin' my life away!
I'm still deep in thought!
And I'm still ten kinds of smarter than you!
The apartment is still pretty clean!
I get to have my hairs cut tomorrow, no more tennis ball head for me!
I gots it goin' on, baby doll!
i don't have anything to talk about.
Not really, anyway.
How much more of my stupid little life can you bear to listen to? It's not too much fun, and it sure isn't interesting. In fact, it's boring as hell. And unless you know me, you're not going to give a rat's pecker about all the shit that's happened to me recently.
How many more times can I tell you about this wonderful corner I've painted myself into as far as "other people" are concerned?
How many times can I think about what a different perspective I have now and yet not write about it?
How many more times can I run through the last seven years and beat myself up over every silly thing I did wrong? How many more times can I do that and yet still not realize that I didn't cause this, this wasn't my fault, and I don't deserve this?
This is very fucked up. And it's starting to not be interesting. I apologize for that. I really do. But you've got to let me work through it. Eventually, things will settle down. They have to, right?
no, wait. it's just me...I am the lucky one.
Another day filled with less than terrificness.
My budget is fucked. I honestly have no idea how I will make it the next few months. Well, I guess I won't. Things will just have to be late. Grrr. I have, right now, negative five dollars. And a week til I get paid.
But I do have what I need. Enough food. Enough cat food. Detergent. Gasoline just barely to get me to work and back.
Been fighting off a headache today. And it's been working. But I have been a bit moody and on edge. Wait...is it possible to be moody and on edge when you don't even speak to anyone? If a mood changes in the forest and nobody is around to notice...
Had a little listening party downstairs today. Drummed on the carpet and sang like I was driving. Enjoy what you can.
Three day fucking weekend. Just what I need.
Busy - ness. That's what I need. Busy - ness and money.
Money and friends.
Friends and a vision for the future.
What I don't need? A three-day weekend. I don't need three days all to myself. Seriously, how much more cleaning can I do? This is getting old.
Ah, yes. But one at a time. Must remember: one at a time. One goal at a time. One day at a time. It's moment to moment right now, as it should be. But it won't always be like this. Oh no.
Must remember: it won't always be like this.
Did I mention already that I would have sex with you for money?
I am now extending the offer: I will now have sex with you, take your dog for a walk, check your mail, do your windows, and perhaps (just perhaps) remove those crusty lime deposits from your sinks and showers all for one low, flat fee.
Just leave me a comment with your contact info.
'Cause, well, those are the two things that I do really well...
Just paid some bills tonight and analyzed my budget. Holy Shit.
I mean, I really will blog or have sex with you for money.
