December draws near. December is good. December is the last month of the year.
Mental fatigue. Drained. Sieve. I am the persimmon.
Exhaust. Battle-scarred.
Grown.
Alone. Alone. Alone.
It's right there, can't have it.
It's right there!
NO.
Wait...
Wait...
Wait...
The first of the year.
I was lucky enough tonight to see Jim Suhler and Monkeybeat at Stevie Ray's. I've been following the band's career since 1992, so it was honor to finally be able to see them in such an intimate setting.
For three and a half hours Mr. Suhler played his heart out to a crowd of at most, twenty people. What a treat this was! From Freddie King to BB King, from Robert Johnson to Jimi Hendrix, from full on slide-guitar boogie to jazz jams, he showed the range and versatility that make him one the the greatest living guitar players. He is the purveyor of the bad juju!
I can officially announce it: this last month has been my own personal "Sliding By On The Minimum" Month.
I haven't felt good physicaly, tired and run down, no motivation. Work has been stressful, personal life stressful. I've spent nearly every evening alone, haven't gone out on weekends, haven't done anything fun or worthwhile. And even though I haven't wanted to, it makes me depressed that I haven't!
I'm so eager and excited for all that's to come over the next year. All the truths that will be revealed. Starting my new job. Saving money. Moving the hell out of this memory-ravaged apartment. Buying a car. Transitioning into the life that should've already been mine.
So with all this excitement and eagerness, why the slacker behavior? I don't know!
If you can diagnose this, please let me know...
the sky isn't the limit. up, over, into, and beyond.
what is it you want that you cannot have?
who is it you want that you cannot have?
who do you dream about in your most secretest moments?
what kind of life is it you want to live? are you living it?
which person that you've never kissed would you most like to kiss?
are there games you never get tired of playing?
too many questions. it's late and i'm worried. i've got some things out there that haven't returned to me yet.
and tonight i am really, really lonely.
It is November 18th, and it is a good day.
Today was my two year anniversary with my employer. Hoo Ha!
Today I got a promotion! I am now no longer an hourly employee.
Hoo Wee!
This is my 500th post to this most sweet blog o'mine. Hoo Wah!
And to top it off, today is one more day closer...
When things get a little stale on your website, blog it like it's hot...
Despite the million to one odds, I am right here.
Despite the odds, you're still right here with me.
You know I've always written this just for you, but as things have been lately I've let you down some.
You know every single craziness I've had to endure, the ins and outs and all my secrets and all the things I can't tell anyone else. Though I sleep on a bed of nails, you've always been the pillow I can lay my head on.
More than before, this place has sadly become a place for me to whine, cry, rejoice, deal with what I've had to deal with. Picture me walking my path, walking my path, walking my path - and then someone running up and hitting me upside the head with a ballpeen hammer. I've been knocked off my path, wandering around a bit, listening to the little birds flying in circles around my head.
The little birds are gone now and I've healed up quite nicely. Now all that's left to do is to make my way back to the path...luckily, I've got help with that. You've been my flashlight, shining the way back to my home.
It's been an interesting ride the last two years, and chances are the next two years will prove to be just as interesting, if not more so. There will certainly be changes, changes, and more changes.
I'm sleepy and I've got the jitters. I feel nervous and anxious tonight, for no good damn reason.
Well, except for all the things going on right now, and for the last three and a half months.
I'm so excited,
yet impatient.
I'm so calm,
yet stressed.
I'm so happy,
yet sad.
Lots of that bittersweet stuff...
It will all be over soon, and maybe life can get back to normal a bit. Maybe all the craziness will subside.
I hope so!!
It was 13 years ago today!
13 YEARS!!
Where's the balloons? The party hats?
Ah, who needs'em!
Not me. I've got something much better...
I was just mentioning yesterday that it had been some time since I had experienced one of my trademarked volcano headaches...
Uh-huh.
So last night I felt it coming on strong.
I took Relpax and went to bed.
Delaying the inevitable.
Woke up this morning with the feeling, took more pills.
By mid-afternoon it was here.
A wrecking ball in my head, boom and pound.
More sleep, more pills.
Now most of the pain is gone, but I feel loopy as hell...
i need a little more volume, ya know what i'm sayin'?
i want the world to check this out
close your eyes and get sexy with it...
take it on down.
shake that ass.
woo! come on!
It ain't nothin' but a party goin' on in here...
This is the blog that funk built, christopher lincoln style!
Long, wonderful day this one.
It's all a blur right now. A few months back I said I needed to live moment to moment, but that was only possible because everything was in slow motion then.
Everything is moving so fast now, and I'm not living moment to moment any longer. I don't have to. Life is moving through me, carrying me along.
I need to go dig up the song "Fledgling" by Blues Traveler...
Since Sunday, I've been one sleeparific guy. I've been exhausted, I tell you. Exhausted!
As I run down the list of possible causes, I realize the reason may be stress.
Understand: I have a double billion things on my mind all at once lately. Money matters, crazy people calling my phone fifty times a day, the three and half hour interview Friday, people in the hospital, missing other people, worrying about other situations, the divorce, wondering if I'm going to be shot or beat the fuck up at any moment, deadlines at work, so much to be done so much to be done so much to be done, working hard to help find jobs...
I don't feel overwhelmed at all, I feel completely calm. OK, not completely - how about calm yet overjoyed and excited? There are other ways to describe this, but I can't tell you now can I? Yet, at the same time, I think all of it may be getting to me on some subconscious level, thus causing the sleep thing.
Mandy - you're one step closer! I didn't get to share in your good news since I was still at work, but I'm so happy for you!
Well, 'Manda Lou, here we go again!
will we ever get away from this?
it's even a full circle now, what with someone jealous of me and someone jealous of you - and us jammed up in the middle -
(insert transitional phrase here)
Work is still work, but good things (err, better things) are on the horizon. The promotion is still pending, and I hope it keeps pending for a bit. That will give me time to explore the other possibility...
Today was lawyer day. Can someone hit the fucking fast forward button, please?
I have carved out this weekend as some much needed, long overdue me time. I'm going to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. Okay, so I'll sleep for an hour and a half at a time, but I'll do it all weekend long! At least until Saturday night...
Reminder to self: buy Jim Suhler tickets!
Perpetuatated.
A quick learn. I fancy a game. Slide my quarter up under the rail, I've got dibs.
A terrible case of "Oh, shit!"
Dirty deeds done dirtier. What makes you think you're the one?
Squeeze play, out at first, safe at home.
Bring out the big guns now.
