April 2006 Archives

I will only say that my headspace is rather clogged. My time is at a premium - super fast waiting! Hope is higher than normal. So is my weight. My sleep sux, my head hurts again often like it once did. I am trying.

and not a moment sooner.

If there is a lie, then there is a liar, too

On Friday I had a great entry composed with this title as its title. Unfortunately, I didn't compose an entry on Friday and I cannot recall the entry. It is gone. Goodbye, cruel world!

been thinking about this since I read it this afternoon.

It's Bill Hicks all over again. "Nobody shares my fucking beliefs, man."

All the things I self-identify as are so obscure and marginalized...atheist, libertarian, objectivist, anarcho-capitalist...and it extends further into my life with the music I dig, the authors I enjoy, the maladies I suffer.

Not so difficult to understand why I've found it so difficult to make connections with other human beings. And when I have, it's nearly always been when I've met people in their comfort zone.

i am a man in meteor suit tonight, and I'm really not feeling like entering the apmospere...but if I've got to burn up, what better way?

i've always believed that some things are so patently obvious that there isn't a need to verbalize them, or worditate them here. i've always believed that, for as long as i've been typing here at least, so always must = four years. imagine that! i wonder how long forever is?

and as time has passed i've hit on all the general themes of this life of mine, perhaps i've shown you the trends and points that come back again and again. it isn't laziness. this stuff actually keeps happening, and my reactions don't often change - or never do. and so it's rather a bora-o-rama. or, as i sometimes say - et cetera.

but i was saying before - i expect a baseline far above the mean. you kind of have to (kind of have to?) know where i'm coming from in the metaphysical sense. writing still gives me the willies, so to speak. i have no idea why i do this. ultimately. what is my chief parnassus these days? it all means much more to me today than ever before, but no one listens, or is listening. or shares. or cares!
so fuck. as the sprint toward middle age starts heating up, and the zipping up of my core into a core of cores continues, i'll keep doing this. but if was buzzed off of this planet this instant never to return and these words were all that were left of me here, would anyone be able to tell what the fuck i was all about? maybe not.