i have nowhere to go

at the end of my wits.  i am seriously fucked up and fucked over and i've done it all to myself.  no, it did not feel good.  i did not enjoy it.  i continue to be nonplussed when i look in the mirror.  i am not a happy guy.  the state of the me is in disarray and i am totally incompetent as to how to fix it.  is this the bottom?  i thought i'd been there before, and maybe i was.  maybe i only reached and grabbed a small tree growing on the side of the mountain i'd climbed and that i was now falling from...if so, the little fella was no match for my bulk and its tiny limb has snapped and i am again in free fall.  well, i am no wile e. fucking coyote.  no umbrella to pull out my ass now.  no "i'm fucked" sign to hold up to the camera.  and i won't be getting up walking away like an accordion from the impact crater.