The Egosystem

do you hear me? is anyone listening to this silence?

2009-11-14T05:09:57Z

No. Of course not. There is no one here.
I am dug in deep. I am doing the only thing I can do, that I could do.

I am now and forever protecting. It is all I have to give. It's okay, no one cares.

Silence will return here now, for another few weeks.

somewhat foolishly,

2009-08-02T07:23:24Z

I announce a promise kept, and introduce what will easily and immediately become the world's most inane and rambling piece of fictional tripe ever formed.

As life continues to quickly pass me by, I have belatedly realized that ye olde cliches "it's now or never", "no time like the present" and the like are appropriate to my long delayed decision to finally place my story out there.

For the last 15 years I have known I had a story to tell. I am now 35 years old, and have yet to simply do what needs to be done. Reason: fear. Time to step past the fear and move forward.

I have nothing to offer save my words. Most likely, these words will not speak to you. But maybe and perhaps they will.

What you will see will be put forth as is, no editing, in real time. What I write when I write will be what I have written, much like this blog. It will take shape over time. It can only be what it is, and although much of it has resided within a secluded and restricted area within my brain for a very long time, I am quite sure I will be as surprised as you to find out its full nature.

Follow along, if you wish. Ultimately, this is a journey I must take, and it is the journey that matters most.

The story will be housed here

all the pretty colors

2009-07-27T08:05:42Z

Imagine:

Falling asleep, but waking up 20 times an hour during your sleep.

That after 2 or 3 hours, you are awakened by suffocation enough that your brain wakes up fully and that you are up for an hour before falling asleep again.

That when you do fall back asleep finally, you continue to wake up 20 times an hour.

That all told in any one night you may get 4 or 5 hours of really shitty sleep.

Now Imagine:

Not doing that one night, but doing that every single night for 8 years.

Would you be tired?
How would it effect you?
Can you even imagine?

Penis-free porn!

2009-07-26T05:28:27Z

Should I ever put my entrepreneurial spirit to good use by founding my own porn company, the title of this post would be my advertising tagline.

Additionally, or perhaps in conjunction with this tagline, I would also display bright yellow stars on my porn categories announcing that this porn would be free from dildos, lesbians, animals, utensils, motorized contraptions, or any other such nonsense.

The last thing I want to see while attending to self-on-self love is the sight of another dude's wang.

the bizness

2009-07-25T18:47:01Z

Already the day has been a busy one. Getting the new comp adapted to The Lincolnia Style until about 6am. Visited Vesuvius. Dishes, Laundry, Trash. Trip to the Yummy Store. Grabbed a Tall Boy Red Bull No Carb version, and getting ready to put the efforts of ten men into installing the (board?) for the next phase of bathroom reno. Good times.

Banana Republic

2009-07-25T07:25:51Z

All I can muster tonight is that my laptop died a month ago, ergo I've not been posting. Got a new comp tonight, and I am loving it times twenty. Expect more soon.

time-lapse blogging

2009-06-21T05:16:54Z

I can't even begin to explain the interim, so I'll only say that as always I am doing my best.

Halfway through this year, and the amount of occurrences has been such that it simply seems like one very long day.

My current priorities are to continue to do well in school, to complete my work on the house, sell the house, buy a new house, move into that house, improve some issues surrounding my career, and ramp up the current weight loss. After three years, it seems I have finally found a way to reverse the tide.

My time is always short.

Heebie Fucking Jeebies

2009-05-12T03:23:27Z

I am not down with that.

I have skipped my own looooooooo

you and you and you and you and you

2009-04-07T08:19:46Z

have such a loose grasp on such a simple concept.

sacred cows

2009-04-07T04:37:46Z

I made a small promise to myself tonight.

admit one

2009-04-04T02:19:05Z

I am more full of self-hate at this point in my life than i ever have been. What a huge transformation from just a few years ago.

hobnobbing with my hobgoblins

2009-03-24T04:29:54Z

Yes, I keep exclusive company. Only the classiest and most socially connected bugaboos are allowed in my nightly mental soiree. And on weekends, together we have gala events.

poo is the king of my days

2009-03-19T03:47:58Z

Yes.

Five cats = litter boxes full of poo

Two dogs = take me out to poo every ten minutes

One fish = change my filter, poo is floating everywhere in here

One 18 month old = daddy, change my poo diaper

Which mentions nothing of my own daily poo concerns.

my life is over-run with poo

2009-03-19T03:40:53Z

no fear, just loathing

2009-03-15T14:22:36Z

this isn't las vegas, and i'm not hunter thompson...but there are days when all i want is transmogrification.